I think worthiness is a state of mind.
When I do something wrong to my family, I automatically find it hard to approach them. It’s a psychological thing. It’s like I have sort of severed the bond we shared by breaking their trust. Which is quite true.
So now when they look at me, they don’t just see me, they see what I did, and in effect, re-experience the pain I caused them. So they may become colder towards me, consciously and/or unconsciously. They may lash out at me more often than they normally would. And all the friendly banter would be taken as insults.
So when I do something wrong, I don’t feel I have the right to walk up to them and just converse. I may even not walk up to them at all because I feel terrible about what I did?
Maybe they’d forgive me eventually. Maybe they’d let it go. But someway, somehow, the memory would still be with us and subtly affect our relationship. Perhaps I may find myself tiptoeing around them for the rest of our lives. Or I’d feel like I owe them big time till someone else messes up and the figurative red cross on my forehead is wiped off by the blunder of the next person, whom I can bet would go through the exact cycle of emotions I did… But just customized to their personality.
There are some mistakes that are so grave, they may never be forgiven. And so each party lives with the hurt and pain for the rest of their lives. Partly wanting to let go but knowing they can’t. Perhaps because they have kept it for too long and so it’s harder to let go. Perhaps because it’s too big a deal to let it slide. Or perhaps they just want something to hold on to and someone to blame.
So, what is the point of my rant…?
I know. I know.
Every time someone mentions God these days, everyone just sits up properly. People lift their guards up. Others give undivided attention. Some close their minds off. And some just skim through.
Whether we realize it or not, everyone has their own default reactions when God is brought up in a conversation… If it is brought up.
Some just actively avoid it all together.
To an extent, I get it.
There are those who force their beliefs down the throats of others. Forgetting that salvation is an individual affair. Forgetting that you can’t force someone to believe in your beliefs. Forgetting that they can choke on it all.
There are those who have done terrible things in the name of belief. Causing people to hate that belief system, even if the perpetrators had misinterpreted the values and norms of the said belief system.
I am Christian.
I was born Catholic, grew up in a charismatic home, went to a Lutheran middle school, a methodist high school and university in an Islamic/Arab country.
I have watched people give up on God my whole life.
But I have also seen people come to the saving knowledge of Christ and never go back.
Perhaps when we sin, we feel like we have fallen so far we can’t go back.
Perhaps when we stay away from faith for so long, we feel like we may have forgotten how to go back. Or that if we’re not dead yet, we just might be doing something right.
Or maybe, just maybe, we want to live right enough or clear up the mess in our lives enough… Just enough so that we can come to God and not feel so bad.
The truth is, we may never reach that “cleanliness” that allows us to feel like we can finally return.
Because the God that I know, He doesn’t care if you haven’t cleaned up, or if your life stinks, or if you just have so many things against you, He just wants you. Just as you are. He just wants to be close to you.
Perhaps you feel like you don’t “pray” enough or read your Bible enough. But He’s saying that it’s okay to come over. Just talk. Just hang out.
You don’t have to make a long speech. Just normal conversation.
He would love to hear about your day.
No pressure. Just simple conversation.
Can you do that ?