🎶Look at me now

There are days, like today, that I feel like my life would make a really decent tale to tell. Sadly, I’m usually either too lazy to tell(type) it or I just don’t fancy the idea of letting people in. 

I’m growing out of it though. Slow but sure.

Before I leave this beautiful country(Algeria), I probably do multiple posts to tell but a few of these tales. 


Anyway, it hit me yesterday how little by little, I’m getting closer and closer towards becoming an engineer. A chemical engineer. With boots, and a mind full of explosive science. 

Also, I am becoming a “grown-up” as well. Yipee…

Funny thing is, engineering wasn’t really a dream in the beginning. I met a couple of engineers while growing up. I thought they were smart and all that, I just never thought it was meant for me. Like, “you can be smart but you should know your place in life” kinda situation.

I’m not sure when my mindset started changing, but one day, I woke up and engineering didn’t seem so scary. Well, the entire transformation and career selection process was more detailed than that, but I am a recovering lazy storyteller so…

But my point is, a couple of years ago, studying chemical engineering, becoming a Chemical Engineer, was just an idea. A crazy thought. A what if.

I’m not going to lie, the journey there is hard and crazy and there are times when I wonder why in the world I chose this path. A lot of hard decisions have been made. A lot of blood has been shed. 

But if I’m being honest, the fact that my “what if” is now my reality is just exhilarating. With the added bonus of being multilingual. 

On hard days, I sort of lose sight of the beauty of this miracle. But right now, with my steaming cup of coffee and afrobeat playlist… 

God has truly been good to me. And I can’t emphasize on how grateful I am. 



Sweet Dreams

Forgive me,

If I happened to have forgotten how I was brutally raped by the only person I ever called “Uncle”

If I never remembered how I was beaten afterwards by the same person because I wasn’t “good enough” or “worth the chase”

Forgive me,

For not reliving the pain everyday and somehow forgetting it all happened, leaving me with just a bitter taste in my mouth anytime I heard his name casually uttered.

Forgive me, 

If the only memories I have of my childhood are the good ones.

Forgive me,

For the only time I cry is in my sleep. Because somehow, that is the only time I can actually let go and not be judged. 

The people in my head are at least a bit kinder than they are supposed to be.

Forgive me,

If I happened to have offended you by asking for your forgiveness. But that’s the only thing that prevents me from getting into trouble.



When I started this blog earlier, I was hoping I could be more honest. Throw my thoughts, feelings and emotions here. Open up.

But these things are always easier in theory. 

The year is slowly, no, quickly, coming to an end. I still haven’t “personalized” this space.

So here are a few fun facts.

  1. My name is Edith Julline Asante-Kumi. Affectionately, refered to as missjake. Or Jay or EJ or WonderWoman … The list is endless really.
  2. I’m Christian. Not the religion. The lifestyle. Yes, I have my flaws and I kinda fall short very often, but I’m honestly trying.
  3. I’m female. (in case that wasn’t obvious)
  4. I’m Ghanaian. From Ghana. In Africa. West Africa. So yes…
  5. I am black.
  6. I live in Algeria. It’s kinda temporary-permanent because
  7. I am a student. I am usually home during summers.
  8. I loovveee my family.
  9. I have no favourite colour but I have a certain affinity for red, black, and purple.
  10. I think I would make a very gorgeous redhead😊
  11. I don’t like insects.
  12. I love staring at the sky.
  13. I love writing but I think I’m holding back… A lot.
  14. The concept of love is still… New to me.
  15. I have really amazing friends
  16. And I love them!
  17. I’m not sure why I’m doing this tho but…
  18. I live alone. And I miss home.
  19. I am developing an unhealthy obsession with my bitmoji avatar. 
  20. I am hopelessly in love with my bed.
  21. I think I’m becoming a foodie. 
  22. Yes, I cook.
  23. No, I don’t always love it.
  24. I love beautiful cars.
  25. I have issues. (then again don’t we all?) 
  26. I don’t like school. At all. 
  27. I love milkshakes and ice-cream and coffee.
  28. I want a pet tiger someday. 
  29. Do you think I should make a bucketlist?
  30. That wasn’t a question but I’ve been considering it.
  31. I live quite a lazy and mundane life half the time. And the other half is spent doing fun and exciting things.
  32. I am single. And it’s not complicated.
  33. I love sneakers and sweaters.
  34. I prefer playing a sport to watching it.
  35. I don’t like football(soccer).
  36. I get way too emotional sometimes for my own good. 
  37. I love music and movies and books and series… But I also love sleeping. There is always a conflict of interests.
  38. I laugh often. No, a lot actually. Not always genuine though😅
  39. I have got my heart broken. 
  40. I am scared to dream.
Sky full of dreams.

Oh my goodness!

When I was a bit younger, my friends were all getting their hearts broken and going through a lot. As much as I was empathetic, I wanted one too! To join the club. To also, understand what they’re going through.

But the thing is, I wasn’t particularly interested in the male species. Yes, I had friends, but I wasn’t quite looking forward to a hookup. I was just interested in the break up. Smh.

I always thought that it would be a sudden thing. No heads-up.

Like one day, everything just changes, then I’d tell my group of friends, “[Insert name] dumped me last night.” Then they would take turns insulting him while comforting me at the same time. We might even end up having a girls day out or whatever to take my mind off of everything. Or they’d just be there for me and all that.

I was wrong.

It was like parking in a new spot and then coming back to check your usual spot for hours before it hits you! Or like buying a new car and walking out of the house and seeing a new car in your driveway. It takes a moment before realization creeps in, you know.

There was a change. Yes. I know. I was aware of the change. But the realization of the effect of that change… That is what knocked the wind out of me!

Like woooowwwwwwwww!!!

So I’m sitting here realizing that I am now a proud owner of a broken heart. There’s no group of girls to take away the pain. There’s nothing. Just me and whatever is left of my heart. Oh and a Popsicle!

Am I the only one who’s had it this way though?

Just wondering…

Any advice for the newest club member? 😅

My flaw. My fault.

Is it me???

Am I too skinny? But I thought I gained a little weight recently.

Or I’m too fat? Oh my goodness! It must be that! But… there’s not really much to lose.

Am I too short?

He said I was cute though. Or he was just trying to make me feel better.

Am I that ugly?

But Lord, what can I do about that? I could try make up. You know, I’ve seen all these “Slay Queens” on the internet with well-drawn eyebrows. Hold up, I did try make up!

Or is it the make up?!

I mean, he did look pleasantly surprised. Or I just imagined the pleasant part? Was it that bad?

Or my clothes?

But I put in effort. I think I always look decent.

Is it the clothes? Too decent?

I don’t know if I want to change that though. Whoring was never my forte.

Wait! Am I too good?!

Oh my! He always teased but I didn’t think he minded! I’m too good.

Is it the hair?

I knew I shouldn’t have permed it. He always said he loved the naturalness about me. I guess I ruined it. But…

Was it the change?

I have been changing a lot lately. New tastes and styles. Was it that? Did that put him off? Too much too fast.

It’s just me I guess. The change, the features… the flaws.

It was always just me.

My life is changing…

I’m at this point in my life where I’m realising that the person I am and the person I am are quite different, yet the same.

It is as much enlightening as it is confusing.

The things I like, the people I love, the places I want to visit… well, except the job I want to do… Everything is changing. Everything is different.

It’s scary.

But I’m falling in love with it all, at the same time.

Let’s see how this phase goes!

I like you, but.

You don’t deserve someone who says, ‘I like you, but,’ just because he can’t get his act together. And J, I like you, but.

I like you, but

I can’t do this.

I can’t start something I know I won’t finish.

I can’t put you through more pain than you already go through.

I like you but,

I am not ready for anything serious.

I am not in the mood to settle down.

I am not the person you need by your side.

I like you, but

I don’t want to wait for you.

I don’t want to be the reason why you smile.

I don’t want to be the reason why you look forward to coming home.

I like you, but

I have nothing to offer you but pain.

I have no plans to keep you close.

I have not decided what exactly I want to do.

I like you, but

It’s not enough for me to act on it.

It’s not enough for me to take responsibility.

It’s just not enough.

I like you, but






Hi, my name is Jay, and I’m an addict.

I started using words at a very young age.  Yes,  words.  

I use words to express a certain amount of confidence, wisdom and boldness that are pretty much non-existant in my reality. I utter or write these words to give hope or love or whatever is required to keep the next person going, denying the fact that I too need them. Or perhaps I do not deny that,  but rather, I believe that whatever I say, it becomes mine. 

If I say I’m okay, then automatically, I become okay. If I say that I am not worried, then I automatically become laid-back. 

The truth is, those realities are self-made. A cover-up for the scars that tell an explicit story I’d rather not confront. 

So yes,  I’m an addict. 

I am addicted to the lies I tell myself so I feel better. I am addicted to the lies I tell others with consciously become my truth. I am addicted to lies, because they are as close to perfection as I can get. 
I guess that’s the point of these support groups and rehabilitation centers… To support us. To help wean us from the addiction. 

So here I am. 

I am an addict and I need help. 

We’re here for you, Jay. 

Letters to the Nice One.


Hey Nice one,

I remind you each time about how I don’t make promises, but I never add why. I insist on being believed in, never adding the reason. I keep adding rules, but it’s definitely not how it’s supposed to be.

I wanted to start by apologizing. But these days, I’ve lost track of the things I do. And half of them aren’t much of a big deal. But I wouldn’t know. Hence the persistent need to apologize every now and then.
Another thing with an unsaid reason.


Have you seen that movie #13ReasonsWhy?It’s about this girl who offed herself and then left tapes for people to listen to. The people responsible for her suicide.
I’ve been thinking about doing something like that. Clearing the air and whatnot. It’s harder than it seems you see. More because I keep making stuff worse every time I open my mouth. Another flaw of mine. Besides, that girl was long gone by the time she did all of that confessing thing. And I’m going to be right here afterwards. Doesn’t really look that comforting from this side of


the fence.

I’ve been reading a lot of books lately. This particular one’s from Wattpad and can be found here. Pretty interesting. I kinda fell in love with it.
Anyway, I been reading a lot lately because that’s the only time I usually don’t think of you. Weird right? But… Nowadays, I find you in all the words. I don’t know how you do


But you do.

I actually didn’t plan on writing this long thing. I wanted to write something special that made a lot of sense than my usual blabbering. But look where we are now.
Another apology.


Well, these erratic thoughts are mine. These feelings though… Yours…
And these words, however senseless they may come off as, needed to be let out.


-the awesome superstar.

To: You


Dear Stranger,

I saw you in town today.
You had your hair up in a mess. Almost stylish. But a second look at it and I knew that it had lost a well fought battle with the wind. Somehow, the fight agrees with it though. Just saying.

I saw you take one cautious step after the other, almost afraid of the ground. Like you believed the ground could gibe up on you any moment. So even though the steps were cautious, they were equally quick. Or were you running? Away? What from? But I could tell it wasn’t always so. Like something, or someone, had stolen the assuredness in your steps.

I like your sense of fashion though. I hardly meet people who choose comfort over fashion statements and whatnot. You looked chique! Bold and confident. At least all is not lost.

Well, you don’t know me. And I hate to come off as annoying and whatnot. And it’s really none of my business either…
But you see, I live with pain. And I know you do too. You look like you’re new to this pain thing. No offence. So from someone who’s been where you are now –correct me if I’m wrong– you’ll live.

You may not recognize it right now. You may even insult me a little bit because I kinda come off as a know-it-all gossip of sorts. But just listen. Even if it’s with all the cynicism you posses. Listen.
And don’t break down.

One day, you’re going to look back on this day and wonder how you managed to convince yourself that all was lost. And perhaps you’d finally understand when I say that All is well.

I’m not saying your problem is negligible and all of that. No.
I’m just saying your story hasn’t ended. I’m saying tomorrow is going to be better.
I’m saying hold on and watch the sun rise.
I’m saying allow yourself to smile again.

I’m saying, no matter what, don’t give up.


A fellow stranger.