I am over him. I have healed. I have moved on.
But no matter how many days that go by, there is still that niggling feeling that I am still as smitten as I was in the beginning.
They say that time heals all wounds. Yes, I was wounded. Yes, I have healed.
So why does it feel like I have not?
Why does my heart feel like exploding every time I think of him?
I have been adviced not to. And believe me, I don’t. Okay, I do. But not so often.
However, when I do… It’s like I never stopped. It’s like all the emotions were just waiting behind the doors. Waiting for me to think about him so they can barge into my life all over again.
They don’t even realize the mess they leave in their wake. And once the rush is over, I have to pick up the pieces of my life all over again. I have to clean up, and walk out with my head high.
I have to live.
It sounds so easy when I put it in writing, but in reality, it’s excruciating.
I don’t know what to do with myself.
A part of me wishes I could at least blame him for my pain. Then at least, I’d feel a little better knowing it’s not my fault.
But I can’t.
Because I know that no one has control over my happiness but me. I know all the things about self-control and self love and all those things I tell my friends when they go through heartbreaks. And I know they work because they have all successfully moved on.
But someway, somehow, it doesn’t work for me. It doesn’t work on me.
It’s almost as if I am suffering from a rare incurable illness and I keep misdiagnosing myself.
No matter how much I cry myself to sleep. I’m going to walk out of my door in the morning with a bright smile.
If I can’t be happy, I can at least try to make the world happy.
A long time ago, guys fought for girls.
Like serious fighting, with swords and blood… the works. It was amazing! Sorry, I mean, it was very sad.
But I don’t blame them though.
Back then, girls didn’t go to school. They just had to cook, clean, take care of everyone, learn to do a lot of “domestic things” and look pretty.
Boys weren’t stuck in a classroom with girls for long gruesome hours.
They had to set a date, with a reliable chaperone as well as the lady in question, before they actually saw them.
Holding hands, hugging, whispering, talking into the night, taking walks… These were things reserved for people who were intimately involved, and were pursuring marriage. (And intimacy here is the aforementioned list, in case you missed it).
All this display of love was usually done in the presence of family and every concerned individual. Technically, a lady could not go out with some random guy without the consent of her family.
There were just a lot of complications in the old days. I think that’s why the guys fought for their love back then.
Now, the girls are literally thrown at the guys. School, church, malls, bars… Everywhere. And now, with all the feminism movements going on, the ladies do the chasing… and some. Many fishes in the sea.
The Prince Charmings and Black Knights are almost nonexistent in recent times.
And yet we keep saying,
When I was younger, I always got excited whenever Valentine’s Day approached. Besides the fact that it was called the day of love and everything, the colour red was everywhere.
Hint: My favourite colo
As I grew older, I started understanding why people loved Val’s Day. There were always gifts from lovers and admirers. It was a time to love and feel loved. However, with time, I started hearing stories about how people worship a certain Valentine and that 14th February was like their version of Christmas. Naturally, my enthusiasm died.
But like Sleeping Beauty, it was not death, just deep slumber. Unlike Sleeping Beauty, it did not require a kiss.
While some people celebrate Valentine’s Day, others celebrate Chocolate Day. A day for all chocolate lovers. Well, guess whose name is on the VIP list of chocolate lovers around the world…
How can I not celebrate?!
Every year, I stay till midnight waiting for some secret admirer to confess his love then we’d live happily ever after, like in the fairy tales.
This year, however, I am spending the day with myself. Happy for all the lovely people in my life who have loved me in spite of my faults and have allowed me to love them back. This year, I am going to bask in self love and chocolate because a girl deserves a break.
Here’s to love ❤
Happy Valentine’s Day!🎉
Happy Chocolate Day!!!🎊
I enjoy writing deeps but I became afraid that that’s all I could write so I stopped. My loss.
I love writing. My own words get to me. And I hope that they get to you too.
You take a smart, sophisticated, well-mannered, amazing, gorgeous girl who’s madly in love with you and you treat her like dead weight and go for a less amazing, less attractive lady who is not even half as in love with you and you treat her like a queen.
Fair enough, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Everyone wants what they want.
However, after treating her like less of a person. You sit back and watch as she slowly and painfully gets rid of you from her life. And when she leaves… In fact, it is only after she left that you realized how dense you are. And you ask yourself how you could let a gem like her go?
So now you return. With nothing to offer except what she kept begging you for… Love, affection or even your attention.
But you see, life is fair sometimes. It may have taken you this long to see her worth. Your loss.
Someone saw it from a distance and worked his way into her heart. He earned his spot. She was willing to hand it over to you but someone has it now. And quite frankly, he is treating it much better than she could ever have imagined.
She is finally experiencing the joy in loving and being loved back. She is happy.
She is over you.
And now… Now you choose to come. Now you think you can offer her affection.
You’ve had your heart handed to you and you’re looking for a rebound in her.
Have you no shame?
Or you were born yesterday?
Get up. And get out. Before you make a bigger fool out of yourself.
Wanting to eat your cake and have it… Shame on you!
Girls like her, they do not do the chasing. They are the ones who have limitless options. And you decided you weren’t interested.
So I just saw a movie about… Life basically. And I kept thinking about how a lot of us sit back and watch our lives go by.
Naturally we have tangible, logical, reasons. But see, deep down, it all comes back to the comfort zone. It’s hard to step out of the comfort zone into the cold world out there.
But guess what?
That cold world also nurtures the most beautiful flowers you can find.
Of course, you have this nice simple garden and when you look over your fence you see bleakness and you think that’s all.
But let me tell you.
The moment you get off of your chair and step out of your gate, everything comes into perspective.
The whole world looks different.
Your garden may have just green, a few blues and the occasional yellows. But out there, there is red, violet, orange… Even your greens and blues and yellows. And they all come in shades.
All it takes it a change of mind and a little bit of courage.
And so what if there are a couple of downs, mishaps and bumps along the way? And what if you fall down a couple of times and get hurt a little bit. A scraped knee. Bruised shin. Muddied clothes. A little dirt in your nails. Or a serious scar somewhere.
You know, scars help tell wonderful stories.
So don’t give up. Don’t turn around. Brush yourself up. You can even cry… A lot. It helps.
But don’t give up. And don’t go back.
Everything contributes to an altogether fun experience, and in the end, a mind-blowing story to recount.
So take a leap of faith. Walk out. Dance a little.
Enjoy the sunshine. Have a fantastic time outside.
And stop over thinking things. Doctors say it’s even bad for your health!;)
What are we if not machines which need a little help from the universe to run.
It is a belief that the universe is this external neutral force that runs things on the earth.
The universe turns tables, brings luck, pulls people together, all those random acts and miracles.
Why can’t we just say God?
Probably because we just can’t seem to wrap our minds around the awesomeness of his existence.
Probably because acknowledging his existence and how he affects our day to day lives is just too sticky a ground for our liking.
But we believe in the universe. We believe in the names of the stars. We believe people become stars when they pass away. We believe a lot of things.
To a large extent, we even believe in God. We believe he exists. But it’s everything else that comes along with knowing he exists… We just cannot accept it all. It’s too heavy. Too unbelievable. Too…
It’s too uncomfortable.
Well, here’s the thing. Whether or not we acknowledge him. He’s there.
Your denial, in no way reduces his existence or power.
Technically, I’ve already made a blog post, buutttt… I feel the need to make it official, so here goes.
I feel like my life is a story. Or at least I treat it like a story, with lessons learnt and everything.
I am not so old, but I have learnt a lot of things in that time frame. I intend to share as much as I can with people so they too can learn. After all, sharing is caring.
However, I know it is easier said, than done. I know how much of a private person I am. But I also know that God didn’t make me have the life I live so I could shut myself in.
I made a lot of unconscious resolutions way before the year begun. So far, ça va!
Really, this is not how I planned this post to go😂
I was going to introduce myself and everything. I rant too much.
Ah well. I guess with time you’ll know me through my writing so…
I don’t know how many people will read this thing, but I’m putting it out there anyway.
Change is not something we see overnight. It is something that creeps on us, slowly, patiently and then, before we realize, it’s here.
And more often than not, it catches us unprepared.
“Oh it’s just one church service.” “Oh it’s only today I didn’t do my quiet time” “I’m too tired to pray. Dear God, I hope you understand.”
Before you realize, that one time, is two times. That one time experiment, has become a habitual test.
And before you know it, you’re addicted to the vices… The dark ways.
Then you begin to wonder, how you got there. How you’ve fallen so low and sunk so deep. How did it all happen?
You begin to wonder when everything went wrong. When you became this dark person. You don’t even look like yourself anymore.
Please, don’t start in the first place.
If you already have, it’s never late till it’s too late.
Walk away now.
It’s hard. Not impossible
Pray for strength. Pray for grace.